and then...greenery

I watched too many movies yesterday. And I've got a viewing today for my film course. 

What I watched too late too early was the french film In Their Sleep which I hoped was a mother-son genius, but it turned out to be a psycho killer genius, here's comes a young man unloved. He kills people. Surprise! Oh, it's awful. Brilliant cinematography, though, what dying in the greenery. I'm trying, I swear! What the twist, young man unloved kills others, young woman unloved kills self, it's all a droning pain. 

So I started in on a fourth film, again about young men, just to distract myself, but who can sleep at two in the AM? Who hits boys with a car? Who hears aidez-moi while mumbling? It's what makes me feel burning, that help me while mumbling, and hey where did the arms go? I was feeling safe over here! fickle made beauty made flesh...

I miss him whose always presence :( long sleeves make it so...even on me. I pull sleeves to his knuckles and I've done so for years. I can't sleep in the meantime. It's the thing about that one subject, and dealing with, passion, our specific nuance, reference, pretend to be a vulnerable boy for bedrest. He resents the idea of resenting ideas of. 

We run in the mornings. Have I said that? What about Alan running circles around me? Friend of my heart. He picks wildflowers. I love my beta muse more than you love your boyfriend, oh tongue :P 

Running is still exhausting torture. It's only managed as montage, with music and the void, and the lips of the void and his cowlicked hair and me thinking, I'm running for you wherever you are. Running is great marketing. It's struggle made fresh, quite stylized--, and so, cathartic. 

I miss you, you love me? mi prami, mi prami

and then...xing

Horse carriage xing. and we passed two of them in the road in the rain. That's travel for you. Beta Muse made a list of our sights in STUFF WE SAW, pretty geese and running dogs and cows to eat. We passed through a town with less than three hundred people in it. We took a super long route. Alan's already missing the little white house, he wants to live off the land, he says. Real cute.

So my new film class is making me learn the difficulty of my goal--, I want to film the Cope Syndrome book trailer next year and I've no clue where I'm going to find a camera that takes at least sixty frames per second...not that I've really looked. But it's nice to know the science behind it all. I'd love a steak right now. 

Cravings make for settling. I'd like to settle. The travel isn't to complex, no, but it wastes so much time. I'm trying to get things done. 

I wonder how many hours I've spent listening to The White Stripes. An obscene amount, I'm sure. But there's so much to do, with it being heard. All the driving. And I have to write this post today and make things in notebooks and write-a-book and do homework, for like, film class. And my acting class, which is a bunch of stylized nonsense, is at least honest about what it is, yeah?

I love what I'm doing all. But I'm hating college more every day; both in theory and in practice. It's a good thing I'm not a full time student anymore. 

The other thing. people my age. jeez. hopefully by the time I'm thirty there will be some separation between the lifestyle of productive people and the lifestyle of insecure drones, which is not a life-style anyway. 

bleck, beck, check, meck bleeding comes easy to him, he said zipmeup zip me up because asphyxiation. And that's how I met him, woke from my bed and learned about suffocation. We miss our lies made pretty, we want to be married to every love. 

I still don't believe in unrequited love, although I'm living it. I'm very stubborn. There's something wrong on his end or mine and it's no longer my business to find out. But I don't have any more energy to convince myself that I'm not worth loving. I'm just sick of that nonsense. I think I am exceedingly loved, I just haven't met by who. 

and then...armory

an armory, the armory, just armory. He said we live in a little white house across from the armory. There's a broken couch out front. i type with seven fingers cuz i jammed the hand on the window. 

This week's episode of MuggleNet Academia features the continuity editor for Harry Potter. Should be an interesting podcast :)

So I moved. Moved to a house on a cobblestone road. So far we're getting along with the other tenants fine, they don't mind Alan much as he's fictional. There's a nice quiet in the country, but Alan certainly likes it a sight more than I do. He likes the simplicity of the country because he's a very complicated person. 

We got shelves. and chair. and bed, yeah. mhm. songs. Alan's living his dream, and that makes me so very happy. I'm nearly living my dream; I could use an AC unit and a husband, but other than that, yeah. My ottoman is a giant die. It doesn't get much better than this. I didn't think it got this good to begin with, comma meaning I can't end the sentence with a preposition. Drives me nuts. 

could not have pulled the move together without my bff. she did all the legwork. i drove and was headachy and exhausted, and she made the whole thing amazing instead of stressful. 

I dream lately of dark waters and smiling men, calm in their love for me....And then I wake up, hot in a hot room. Could use that AC unit. 

but doing great, yeah? and boundaries are not walls. and I have acting and film classes today and I ought to go, I'm busy incredible, but thanks for reading, folks! eheh. Nothing insightful today obvious. confetti. 
Alan's just joy.