and then...xing

Horse carriage xing. and we passed two of them in the road in the rain. That's travel for you. Beta Muse made a list of our sights in STUFF WE SAW, pretty geese and running dogs and cows to eat. We passed through a town with less than three hundred people in it. We took a super long route. Alan's already missing the little white house, he wants to live off the land, he says. Real cute.

So my new film class is making me learn the difficulty of my goal--, I want to film the Cope Syndrome book trailer next year and I've no clue where I'm going to find a camera that takes at least sixty frames per second...not that I've really looked. But it's nice to know the science behind it all. I'd love a steak right now. 

Cravings make for settling. I'd like to settle. The travel isn't to complex, no, but it wastes so much time. I'm trying to get things done. 

I wonder how many hours I've spent listening to The White Stripes. An obscene amount, I'm sure. But there's so much to do, with it being heard. All the driving. And I have to write this post today and make things in notebooks and write-a-book and do homework, for like, film class. And my acting class, which is a bunch of stylized nonsense, is at least honest about what it is, yeah?

I love what I'm doing all. But I'm hating college more every day; both in theory and in practice. It's a good thing I'm not a full time student anymore. 

The other thing. people my age. jeez. hopefully by the time I'm thirty there will be some separation between the lifestyle of productive people and the lifestyle of insecure drones, which is not a life-style anyway. 

bleck, beck, check, meck bleeding comes easy to him, he said zipmeup zip me up because asphyxiation. And that's how I met him, woke from my bed and learned about suffocation. We miss our lies made pretty, we want to be married to every love. 

I still don't believe in unrequited love, although I'm living it. I'm very stubborn. There's something wrong on his end or mine and it's no longer my business to find out. But I don't have any more energy to convince myself that I'm not worth loving. I'm just sick of that nonsense. I think I am exceedingly loved, I just haven't met by who.