What you don't hear about filmmaking

If you’re on the fence about whether to try filmmaking, this is for you: 

When I entered film school I found myself on the receiving end of a lecture indicating to me that this kind of work was an end-all be-all. Hard work. Inaccessible. It’s for people who simply can’t do anything else because passion etc. 

I’m sure it was meant to be inspiring, but there’s hardly a lack of the harshly linear, masculine-minded approach to motivation in most fields, even the creative ones. Of course, I still love that approach. It’s hard not to if you’re a hard working person living in the US. But I just wasn’t feeling the lecture. 

It’s not that it scared me away from film, but I was irritating by the sense that it was trying to. It wasn’t for me. It was for people who don’t know that they have to work hard, but I don’t see how hearing they they’ll have to is going to help them. Hard work is its own filter. Delivering a speech like that is usually more for the benefit of the speaker than the listener. 

I say this because it’s that kind of attitude that kept me away from film for so long. It didn’t matter how many resources landed in my lap as long as I heard all this stuff about filmmaking:

>You have to know the right people

>You have no control over your own ideas

>It’s a male dominated meat market

>You can only break in through porn

>You have to meet an agent in LA 

>You have to avoid a lot of sabotage

>It’s too expensive (note that I’m not saying it isn’t expensive, I’m just parroting the judgement that it’s too expensive)

>It’s not worth the time and energy

>Aw, you wanna be a director? That’s so cute! 

>Are you like a writer? Is that a notebook? That’s so cute.

Here are some of the cool things that you don’t hear as often from filmmakers: 

>I get to share a story as I’m making it

>I get to experience leadership from within a group that is united by that story story

>I get to play pretend and/or help others get to play pretend

>I get to buy stuff for my imaginary friends in the story

>I get to meet sensitive, creative people 

>I get to help those sensitive, creative people find their part in the story

>I get to keep a record of me and friends playing pretend to deliver a story

I don’t know what else I can say, here. What could be more fun and healing than telling a story? 

Peace,

Ayah

#DeltaPhiFilm

and then...species

Yesterday, being someone trying to write a poem was unusual for me. I don't usually try, when I write poetry. I just do. That's why don't I don't call myeslf a poet, so. 

But it made me think of species of art. Art you make because circumstance, experience and consequence; and art you make in spite of those things, which is just what art is. Just because i have a poetic voice doesn't mean I could spend all my time make art healing, art healing, art heals, I know. The advice I give is always to produce work, to get you out of any rut. But does that represent us? Like if I say:

To my dear sexed vanguard

sir lovely

mental faculty is met most clean in waists tapering, boys capering, backs arching into 

"Infrastructure!"

is your softest plea for touch me, touch me. 

That's all very clear, right? Oh I'm so young and broken hearted. But gosh it's not our novel made magnum opus. But look out for Trachea and the like, when I release them. I don't call myself a poet but. Boy backs arch anyway...

So, Cope Syndrome is my self despite. In his self righteous, highest species of art. But I must say, if I am to tie it to circumstance, my novel, unlike all other real males his age, is not ashamed to say he loves me. heheh. 

Utensils? I've used four pens and three pencils in the last two months. Trying to get rid of the ones I've gotten so that I can get the ones I want...I bought my favorite for awhile until I realized how silly it was at two dollars a pen when I already had too many. 

You have the line to consider, and the weight of the ink, and the delivery of the ink, the fumes, to look, the shape in your hand, hahphallicphallic, fettish unfinished, I love writing by hand. 

In fact, these blog posts of just about the only thing I type without writing by hand first. Except Skype messages and some Twitter posts. I suppose there are others, I don't care to to think of it. Well dear, isn't that our tagline fresh. If you have questions for me or the muses, you leave a comment. 

and then...astronomical

I want to name a star after him, so that he will remember how much I love him every time he looks at the sky. But if he doesn't think he deserves my star, then I must dance with the void. 

I intend to name a star after him, though. and take long walks and make kisses and share dreams and secrets and all fear, speak through walls and carry his voice over the sea. And get a job. And learn to sing and dance and play my piano for my love, but the first thing to do is to finish writing a novel.

It's like a single mother leaving for work. Abandon the children or abandon the children. Feels like you're stuck, but we are never stuck.

Mickey Willard tells me that inspired art has two parent characteristics: silhouette and contrast. How we love duality. I say desire and conflict. But what's the difference? Things connect so much more than we think. If there is one other person in this world brave enough to integrate, sing your name so that I may hear you!

This world is simple--life is simple--it is people who are complicated.

Anyway, back to silhouettes and contrast. I don't know how much synesthesia affects my visions, but I can't imagine that something as instinctual as creativity is inaccessible to some people. We are sensual creatures, and we can use our senses to solve problems. Me, I'm a visual person; but there's something for me to say about the shapes that sounds make. Humans can see patterns. You Translators can, anyway, you Critics and the like; perhaps you could translate my blogposts for the general public?

tricks of the trade...okay...take the best idea you have. The best sequence for that story. The best scene from that sequence; condensecondense. If you had to express the essence of your story in a twenty second video, how would you do it? 

Our instinct is to speed things up. Get in as much as possible as quickly as possible. You ready for this?

Take the best ten seconds. Imagine it in slow motion. 

And that's how I have boys sinking in water. Boys sink and wear vapor masks like snouts.