and then...stoic

What's it mean? I mean one minute a person is unaffected, free of empathy of guilt, or "free" of it, and next minute they are sensitive like prey animals. 

I don't know, I don't know. I've a lot of things, a new cousin for one. And I finished another writing project, I've just got to finish typing the darn thing. But I love love love it! 

I watched a lot of animals this past weekend, and my housemates came back with a thing for me! A REAL PAIR OF ANTLERS. 

I just. I died of joy. Antlers. I mean, antlers! They're on my floating bookshelf now, in my lovely little office and I should post pictures of it. When I get night pictures, pictograms in the night make me think dreams, and once upon a time there was a girl who signed on to therapy for abandonment issues and her therapist cancelled the first appointment. Hah!

All the things of dehumization, this week. The things I see in animated films. The weight of vapor masks and bits gags pulling lips back from his teeth, like. Gosh I love to write storybooks!

I'm reading about math in the hope that I might understand it or something bizarre. Anyway, math is really great in principle. I mean, in principle. Miraculous in practice. And hell in academics. But then, what isn't? 

I get to travel with Alan again soon. I will also be travelling with Fish. We are going to bring his habitat named aquarium. It's only for nine days but I like having him in the room. Also I get to clean his tank today : / 

And I have to type things and outline things and journal and go shopping and wash my lovely hair. So then, good luck to all! Save money on therapy and get art journaling!

and then...chronic

So I was wrong about Sundays. I didn't have time Sunday and I don't have the time today but here I am. And it's a different computer, too. Nice big monitor. :D

Tuesdays, then? That's okay? Okay. This blog now updates on Tuesdays instead of Mondays.  I ordered a special bookshelf which is designed to make my books look like they are floating. I need a great deal of shelf space. Will probably buy a lot for a little at the local walmart, once I schlup some furniture around and have a little moar space. Then I will get rid of things and maybe purchase other things. 

I've had chronic depression, then chronic anxiety, now chronic joy lonely. But that word CHRONIC is what gets me.  It's illness in itself, the way it sounds. And it makes so much of anything: chronic boy, he's chronic. How are you? Chronic. Where did you get that? Chronic and the chronic, chronic. 

My film professor this semester is one of those who grades you by a more difficult standard if you are especially thorough. That was a sentence messy. And speaking of that, my film textbook is written awful! Verb confusion all over the place. And the commas? Forget about it. 

I spent quite a lot on journals this year, with shipping and everything. I'm excited about saving that money next year, when I switch to the cheaper stuff. I want to paint things again. At least I brought crayons. I like pretty things. You know what I don't like? Complaints. Everyone Bonds with Bitching. I'm utter sick of it. I sit alone in corners everywhere because I don't want to participate in this Bonding with Bitching ritual that everyone around me uses. That's how they make people to hang out with, I suppose, and I'd like that, but I'm utter ill of it. Here I was happy and you push me to compare my conflict to yours, which, by the way, is nothing compared to mine. And then it's all stupid relative thinking and negative energy all over again. I have literally spent hundreds of hours listening to these dumbos and I don't even know them! But I can sure tell you all about their problems about stepdaddy money lacking pill taking etc. You're alive. We're in class at University. It's not relevant now. I don't know your name. Shut up.

But then, they are trying to share themselves. It's just that they're entirely defined by their problems instead of how they deal with them or the grand things, like honeybees. 

I went from sixteen personas to thirty-two in the last four years! I need to crack down on this or it's going to be up in the hundreds when I'm middle aged. Of course, there are stagnant periods. They develop out of trauma or periods of intense joy. Mostly trauma, but I have to add the "joy" thing (as I'm not technically diagnosed with DID and I'd like to keep it that way for now. Much harder to UNdiagnose, I imagine. And I don't get the blackouts). I mean, I got seven boys from chronic depression. But hey, even those Dopplegangers do a lot for me in the Palace Nouvelle. 

Hooray for copy writing! Perhaps I shall do more of it in the new year. I'll add it to my big happy list. Thanks for reading, fellas. Have fun in the sun, I happen to know that you've got one :O As Alan says, "Sun made morning this morning!" 

and then...armory

an armory, the armory, just armory. He said we live in a little white house across from the armory. There's a broken couch out front. i type with seven fingers cuz i jammed the hand on the window. 

This week's episode of MuggleNet Academia features the continuity editor for Harry Potter. Should be an interesting podcast :)

So I moved. Moved to a house on a cobblestone road. So far we're getting along with the other tenants fine, they don't mind Alan much as he's fictional. There's a nice quiet in the country, but Alan certainly likes it a sight more than I do. He likes the simplicity of the country because he's a very complicated person. 

We got shelves. and chair. and bed, yeah. mhm. songs. Alan's living his dream, and that makes me so very happy. I'm nearly living my dream; I could use an AC unit and a husband, but other than that, yeah. My ottoman is a giant die. It doesn't get much better than this. I didn't think it got this good to begin with, comma meaning I can't end the sentence with a preposition. Drives me nuts. 

could not have pulled the move together without my bff. she did all the legwork. i drove and was headachy and exhausted, and she made the whole thing amazing instead of stressful. 

I dream lately of dark waters and smiling men, calm in their love for me....And then I wake up, hot in a hot room. Could use that AC unit. 

but doing great, yeah? and boundaries are not walls. and I have acting and film classes today and I ought to go, I'm busy incredible, but thanks for reading, folks! eheh. Nothing insightful today obvious. confetti. 
Alan's just joy.