and then...moon

I watched Goodbye, Lenin! and cried hard. Like where are those heroes hiding?

No surprise that such an Alan-looking-actor is Spanish born :D I slipped alone into a farm today, just I and animals, and while the sun set colorful the moon rose enormous and they faced each other exact for a moment. 

Where are you? Can you hear me? Do you know me? Are you a memory?

Can't wait to leave the school where I'm stuck. Wrote a three page paper in half an hour, I'm always finishing things the moment before and they don't know the difference. Finally bothered my landlord enough today to get that screen in my window, already. It's only been all year. and it doesn't fit but there you go. And things besides it must be just in time for spring

is running water is running water? I'm exhausted clear. I need a non focus digital camera. everything should be in focus all the time. 

Started a new art journal for a consolidated healing plan but I've barely got time to touch it. Touching is good, though. Ideas generate with tactility.

I watch characters like Alex Kerner (mygodhowmanyalexsareinmypersonallonginglexicon) and there's a kind of soaring you can't imagine. And with the farther and longer I have Cope Syndrome the more in control this soaring is; like yes that's him, I know him, I have him, I am him. So it's only a matter of time now before one of them happens to me. He gets closer all the time, sleeves wristing. 

and then...wood

I saw a fox this morning in the woods! Hoo-ray

Happy New Year to all and thank God the 2012 is over. Am I right, eh? eh?

I am actually in a cabin at the woods. Slopes make steepness. 

Oh look it's holiday and here I am loyal, still doing my Tuesday update like must-ness. Last night I found a crime special on boys-molested so of course I'm watching wide eyed and note-taking, when Beta Muse has his head in my shoulder, whining-like, and I changed the channel. S'alright baby, and so ends 2012. Had one goal what I didn't meet, and it's the first deadline that I haven't met. Eat that, agency-what-rejected-me. 

Let's hope for acceptance this year, eh? My people, family, publishers. I've still got something in the queue for Writer's Digest. A story about Catholic boy who's got Pica Syndrome, or a story about Nick-the-Novelist, or both. I can't remember because my notebook with all the lists of what's where for what publication isn't in the cabin. 

My first project for this year besides the usual Cope Syndrome is to design a cover or covers for Elementia. It's a lit mag what's got a grant. I decided on a nautical theme with a living alphabet. The mag is having like a promo-event that I probably can't make, but if I can, then I want to perform a thing. I don't know what to call it, exactly, besides by it's title what I'm not revealing. It's like slam but it's not.

I need a giant box. I will write SOAP on it. That is all and love at you!

and then...riff

I'm sorry this is late, like. I'm hitting the bed for a nap after, on account of my not feeling well. 

Alan's a deer, precious lovely duct tap-ed mouth and drumsticks swinging! Have you ever seen a happy happier? 

Writer's tip of the day: get a cat. Mine is a stromcloud called Kish-Mish. I'd only be a little allergic to him except he drools all over me. He drools when he's happy, it's weird. And he's a fierce cuddler.

Speaking of cuddling, I search it like a nut. I now know all the ins and outs of cuddles. How to cuddle, types of cuddles, etc. I like knowing the comforting things. And comfort-without makes worry. I get cautious constant of all the creeps. I know cops by name by now. You don't mess with me. I've got a mace and more. I think all anyone wants is acceptance and love and respect and safety. Pain and fear are the worst things, like. Maybe it's all the Dr. Phil what I've been watching while ill. It's got me scared out of my mind. 

Dear men,

Stop hurting us.

Love, 

women

I've got meself a new planner. It's pocket-lacking (dangit)! but otherwise perfect. 

Happy holidays everyone. And happy new year. I'm sure I don't just speak for myself when I say that 2012 has been a challenging one. Here's to a better future!

but hey hearts beat repeating for love anew. Pictures on loop. Boys-imagine tumble drastic, as if off a cliff riffriffriff.