and then...cliff

I've been perceiving a shape like a dark cliff protruding. It's mostly perceived as synthesthetic response to a sound I keep hearing, a sudden quick rise of a base. It's the music I've been needing lately. 

So I've fallen serious behind in all aspects of life but that's only because the writing hasn't gone so well in almost a year. I am dishing out pages like pudding from a cup. :D 

Since I've getting near to the real career bit, let's talk about priorities:

I'm addressing everyone, but mainly young people because A) I am surrounded by them and B) I am one of them. So the harshness of my tone is reserved for myself and all others under 35.

First of all, stop whining about time. The great thing about time is that no one has more or less of it than anyone else! You decide what to do with your time, and you decide how much of your time you must dedicate to your survival (eating, sleeping etc). Some people have to give more time to that than others; some people need to work two jobs in order to eat and have shelter, for example. But every time you decide to use time, you are making judgement call about the importance of what you're doing.

Some, for instance, might wake up late once or twice and skip brushing their teeth so that they won't be late to class. If I wake up late, nothing about my schedule really changes because I consider my morning routine and morning writing to be more important than having an optimal reputation with a professor; but this also means that I decide to wake up much earlier than "necessary." 

If you have time to do one thing over another, you are valuing that activity more than any other alternative. If you say you have no time to write, and then use your lunch break to eat lunch, (with the understanding that you will have dinner), you are valuing eating three meals a day more than your goal to write every day. 

You might say that a lunch break is not enough time to write. That's legitimate; but when you give up something you once considered essential, something you once took for granted, you'll be surprised how quickly you learn to write something substantial in half an hour. 

Or why not just eat with one hand? I find oral stimulation helps the writing process, anyway. Just look at all the smokers. Or MINT suckers *ahem* such as yours truly. 

So I sure as hell miss throwing parties, I haven't really thrown one since early high school, yeah. But those hours are much better spent on self-reflection at my age, when I get the luxury to have it. So a REMINDER to those young people out there:

WHEN YOU'RE THIRTY AND UP, it's not CUTE anymore to change your mind about what you want to do and who you want to be. You get a very short window where people will actually SUPPORT any decision you make. Try to USE IT WISELY. Seriously. Don't realize you're a prodigy at 30, 35, 40. Realize it NOW. You'll get plenty of time later in life to try new hobbies and celebrate your life; I'm sure you're multi-talented yadayada. Youth is your chance to FOCUS. If you're lucky enough to get a decade or a few years where others will support you but you are still able to make your own decisions, that's golden. So don't get overwhelmed and crash. Just pick a thing you like; it's only one life. Calm down. Pick a thing you like and go do it, and someone will likely hire you by the time you have to support yourself entire, like. 

Thin aired mountains have oceans as fresh surface; I dreamt of flying. 

and then...production

is a thing. a noun-thing.

I spent the last three days taking footage for a short film. I've never made a short film but there's a first time for everything. So I did that and I've got to edit it, and schedule a ten hour write in this week, and I'm still full-time studenting and the like. 

Anyway I've relearned sleep again to accomodate my work needs these days. I take frequent naps and sleep very little at night. You do it often enough and you can train your body to sleep and wake exactly when you intend. I used to be perfect at it; still retraining. I take roughly three to five hours of solid sleep at night, and three to six 20 minute naps during the day. I won't need an alarm soon. It keeps me far more active; I haven't needed caffeine in days. 

People expect change by arbitrary means. A new year doesn't mean a new anything on its own. If you want your life to change radically you must be radical. But no, everyone's too afraid and whining about what they're going to lose. If you're yourself and doing what you love you can't possibly lose anything. You just get more space for more things and more people what are better for you. 

Saw The Machinist. It ought to be a graphic novel. Very vintage creepy. I was initially disappointed because it thwarted my expectations, but I have since come to realize that the purpose of the film is to convey a state of mind and it does that flawlessly, I think. I have to see it again. But it got me emoting something fierce and there wasn't a one who would cuddle me. Living where I live is strange. Living is strange. Death is stranger. 

The script from my short film is adapted from my blog posts over the last several months. I will post it here when I've finished the editing and production etc. 

and then...snow

I hate snow, the Beta Muse fnds it funny. Like powdered sugar, oh look we're so small that cold makes piles of snow. 

"Snow," he says, "we've even got a name for it, so."

Snow is only good as aesthetic.

I found out why he was all upset the last week or so, too, aside from our being sick and all. It was cold showers and suppressed memories what made him all upset, what gave me means of chronology for the piece. You have to really listen to your muse. Catharsis is what they want. Everything and all that they want.

I'm so busy this week it makes me reel. And in my film class we watched a dry movie not about anything, just of Hitler yelling and old men bitching and I'm supposed to care about these people? I just. Don't. understand. Anyway it's not grand at the end of a long day.

The posts here have been unusual of late. Unusual in their usual-ish-ness. That should change next week, when I'm finally in the city again. My cabin fever is getting something vicious!

I say you know nothing of manhood unless you've seen Bambi. Speaking of manhood, I'm working on a piece about how we discourage introspection in young man. It's a drastic problem. Drastic. I worry about raising a son in this atmosphere. I could go on but it's for a video. See the youtube channel if you have not: youtube.com/shethewriter

 

Thanks for reading! :) spread smiles