and then...deadline

deadline, as opposed to living line, living lines named snakes is what I have to get to in a short bit of time. So short in fact I've barely any time to post this. 

I just wasted an hour finding a portrait of a woman of which my prof would approve, basically an enormous hi res portrait of a woman with virtually nothing in the background. I feel purposeless and stupid for bothering. 

An acquaintance recently tried to comfort me out of a panic attack by saying that nothing would change if I didn't meet my deadline, and that backfired. Nothing changes? Oh, great. 

My deadlines may be the only path away from schooling and males under 25. Anyway there's an agent interested in Cope Syndrome, which I think I am joyous about, technically, but sort of not, too. The only thing that matters is having The Great Work.

I mean I could quit and go after some boys now but that's too little butter over too much bread and I really want butter but I don't want to jeopardize my chances of getting a LOT of butter later on just so that I can have a little bit now. 

I'm typically a morning writer but wrote until 5 AM last night thank you McDonald's, you are so beautiful in principle, I live in a country where I can get a meal for a few dollars just about anywhere at any time. Graciousness. 

A thing for you? Alan's still a delight. We eat jam. He plays with drumkit in shed named shed. I spent forever looking for White Stripes merchandise but my goodness the amount of money! And shipping, don't you hate to pay shipping? Ten bucks for something that's taking four months to get here? I won't BE here. 

I think, I dunno. I don't know where I'll be this weekend, or a month from now. Commascommas. I'm writing a thing called Alan's Wake. nothing spoiled there, I promise. I start a new journal soon but I haven't any idea what to call it. 

It's taken me seven months to write project one and seven months for project two if I finish by tomorrow night, and I have to do projects 3, 4 and 5 in two months hahahahahahahahahaha

Why do we do this again? I love making stories. If you do what you love hard enough, it gets you out of the other ruts. Like school and other superfluous nonsense, I think. I value education far too much to do anything but what I love. 

IAMX today. In a hurry. Enjoy, and drink coffee. Love!